As I reflect on our first day of tube weaning, I am drawn to a quote that has recently kept me sane during challenging moments.

“i beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don’t search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer…” (rainer maria rilke)

The Graz Netcoaching program puts it succinctly as “wait, watch, and wonder.” I am trying to transcend my need for information and answers, trying to let go of the obsession with measurements, charts, and statistics (which, by the way, Francesca was 22.9 pounds at her weight check today), trying to move past the memory of Francesca’s suffering and my anxiety about her health.

For now, the most important questions are… what does a pear smell like when you smash it up, how tall can we build a cookie tower, what looks best on a food necklace, can we make a princess out of rice krispies… And, the best part is that there does not have to be a right answer.

As Francesca uncovers the joy of eating, I just might uncover the joy of the question.